Vegetarian Vampire is an oxymoron, dude

February 19, 2010 at 3:45 pm Leave a comment

Before you proceed, this is NOT a rave thread on Edward Cullen and his animal blood-consuming clan.

I  have serious issues about Twilight saga’s Edward Cullen. Last Christmas, my parents resolved to watch Keanu ReevesThe Day the Earth Stood Still and left me by the Twilight ticket booth. Half an hour into the film, exhausted from all the female screams and blow-by-blow narratives of yet-to-be-shown scenes by eager Twilight followers, I walked out of the theater and finished my popcorn sitting on the mall’s abandoned stair case. It was not only the school girl shrieks that got my goat but Kirsten Stewart’s deadpan acting.  Armageddon may be nigh in ten seconds and Bella Swan would still be spaced-out and moony.

'I am not pale because you're choking me...I'm pale because I am a vegetarian, damnit."

Not to mention that Edward Cullen’s pick-up lines delivered in his own version of the classic Derek Zoolander blue steel pose never fail to send my toes curling in sheer repugnance. Also, Edward is a [an animal-] blood-feeding insomniac who displays diamond glister under sunlight (and I thought sunlight is supposed to morph him into cinders? Isn’t this more poetically and morbidly apt, Stephanie Meyer?)

The Cullens also claim to be vegetarian vampires and no, this doesn’t follow that they classify as vampires akin to Bunnicula, a vampire rabbit who consumes vegetable juice.  A vegetarian vampire, according to the Cullen mythology, are vampires committed only to consuming animal blood.

In human, normal-life linguistics, vegetarianism is the practice of following a diet based on plant-based foods. Meyer world decides otherwise.

Oh, I can go on and on. I swear I can seriously use some Anne Rice right now.

Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin. — Edward Cullen

And I cringe.

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Entry filed under: film, thinking aloud.

Hellocho! Holy Horrors

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