You know I’d like to keep my cheeks dry today

June 27, 2010 at 11:33 pm Leave a comment

If you are not willing to risk it all, you don’t want it bad enough.

This 15-word phrase is making more and more sense to me.

Four months ago, however, trapped in the disillusioned world of monetary success and a lucrative career which involved sitting before a desktop monstrosity from nine to five, this 15-word phrase was but a mere phrase; perhaps something “cute” to tack on the workplace cork board in the name of making an impression.

Funny how a mere phrase, mute on the brown surface of a book paper, spelled out in the typography of my own handwriting, can hold so much significance in my life as of late.

Like say when lugging my bag of photocopied film history articles to attend a discourse on Philippine Cinema, taking a 10 minute walk to the film institute because I can no longer afford a simple jeepney ride. Eight compensated hours in exchange for a 60 minute dialogue on a Kidlat Tahimik piece. And I chew on my own fingernails because sometimes the same 15-word phrase is no longer loud enough to silence my own hunger.

Or say, every time I insist on showing up at every godforsaken art space film screening because a Godard piece is a rarity in the cinema world dominated by mainstream escapist films. Then later, I find myself in tears because I am agonizingly broke after I had given up my sole income-generating job for the fucking love of Art and Cinema. The painful truth of my poverty has finally sinked in. And it is not pretty.

I had a wee-of-the-morning conversation with Havo, my boyfriend, and illustrated my “I-risked-giving-up-my-job-for-my-one-passion” sentiments through a Blind Melon music video.

The music video in question, for the band’s single No Rain, showed a plump pre-teen geek in a bumble bee costume attempting to win over acceptance and belongingness through a tap dance number.

However, to her dismay, her audience dismissed her as an oddball worthy of disregard.

The bumble bee geek, however, discovered an iron gate leading to a garden peopled by other bumble bee geeks.

Thrilled, she joined the jovial crowd of her own odd kind and lived happily ever after.

The Blind Melon music video is a perfect metaphor for my impassioned romance with Cinema and Art.

Moreover, sentimentalism aside, I told Havo: It feels awesome to, finally, be home.

PS I can still use a good side job to pay for my bills. If not in the field of Cinema and Art, flipping burgers is the most ideal. Anything at all but a corporate, left-brained occupation.

         ♥♥♥

Recommended Film:

Jaguar, Lino Brocka (1979)

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Entry filed under: artnots, film, musings.

Dear Alexis Dibidi

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